i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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