I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
