dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
did i walk over a car last night?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
