sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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