Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
