I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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