so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
