Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
