Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So apparently I’m into choking now
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
