How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
