I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
