A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
