Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
