Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
