C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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