first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
