I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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