mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
