It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
