Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
