Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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