I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
