almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
