there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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