They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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