We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
