haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize