We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
