similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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