it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
