your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
