I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize