if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
