Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Semen is not good for contacts.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
