You smell like stripper and shame
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
