i don't plan on having that self control this summer
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
