we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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