Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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