Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
