She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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