He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
