Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
handjob tips. give me some.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize