Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
