I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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