If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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