If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
