did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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