I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He kissed a someone with a penis
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
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you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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