u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
