If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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