and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
