she looked like the before picture.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Randomize
