My brain says no but my pants say off.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
