His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
