Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
