come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
