question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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