If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
