i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
