Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
